I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
