i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
