i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She announced her abortion via fbk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you will always have a special place in my vag
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
