It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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