My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
