My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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