I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
