I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
