Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
