this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
