Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
