u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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