It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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