she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
