Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
