I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
