he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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