im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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