I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
