Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
