you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
