Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
