Your face is a jimmy john
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
