Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
