I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
