he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
