So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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