All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
