We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
