my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
