I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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