Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
