You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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