They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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