this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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