if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
