Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
