I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
