my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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