Porn is love you can see.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
