My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
