i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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