Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
