Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
