Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
