I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
