Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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