I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The power of my boobs compel you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
