I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
