It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
